No Earmark Left Behind

Have you noticed how so much in the news is now beyond parody because, well... it already reads as a parody?

In that vein, somewhere in a parallel looniverse, this story from our fake sister blog POLITISCUM, is actually happening.

CONGRESS TO PASS ‘NO EARMARK LEFT BEHIND’ ACT?
Deepak Vijay Throwt, Senior Editor, Politiscum
4/11/08

Democrat party leaders are moving fast to improve the Democrat controlled Congress’s favorability rating amongst special interests, lobbyists, and crooks.

Party insiders have told Politiscum of a recent secret meeting between Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi at the Robert K. Byrd Memorial Bridge, Museum, & Brothel ($378 million earmark provision to the Armed Services Medical Security Act, 2003).

Apparently they agreed a joint House/Senate approach to the NO EARMARK LEFT BEHIND ACT to ensure our most precious resource: pork barrel spending through government funded programs.

Senate Majority leader Harry Reid says: “Bush’s illegal pre-emptive war against earmarks is lost. He needs to admit defeat, bring his troops home, and let the porking begin.”

In a statement House Speaker Pelosi said: “When the Founding Pilgrim Parents wrote our constitution thing, sometime in the 1500s, if I remember correctly from that University class I attended for half a semester, they guaranteed everyone would be happy forever thanks to the government giving WE THE PEEPS lots of stuff after “taxing the crap” from the rich evil descendents of George Three and his robber Barons, which for the purposes of social justice includes all those earning more than $30,000 a year."

House and Senate officers hope to start the legislative process in the ten day window between the never-ending Easter recess and the long summer vacations.