June 11, 2005

Guys getting their Jolies

Mr & Mrs Smith is the new mindless Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie movie out this weekend in the UK and the US.

Now I’m always hot for the latest Friday night popcorn fluff where, for a couple of hours, you can forget that certified loons like DNC Chairman How and his little red playbook even exist.

The Smith’s are doozies. They epitomize today’s MTV/rapper role models for young people. That is, a pair of equal opportunity hit persons who kill people for money. Beats holding down a job, giving birth, raising kids, boring stuff like that. Rather like being a movie star, in fact.

(It also sounds remarkably like the Jack Nicholson/Angelica Houston flick from the 80s “Prizza’s Honor”. But hey…. every generation has to rediscover what every generation that went before it did)

Thankfully the ascerbic Debbie Schlussel's a bit of a hit gal herself, apparently armed with a Magnum 45 – being the world’s most powerful handgun, it could blow your head clean off, punk.

She has the devastating low down on the airhead opinions and worldclass skankdom of Ms. Jolie. Low being the operative word here.

"Mr. & Mrs. Smith": Don't Go to Washington

If anything epitomizes the utterly cynical and corrupt world of Hollywood PR, it’s the A.Jolie story. Huge companies paid millions to ensure that their clients get the best media coverage money can bribe.

So you take a so-so talented, and hot-bod actress who also happens to be a self-absorbed narcissist (and possibly incestuous) headcase. Some flack suggests that said client could do with a bit of an image makeover to gloss over some of the more skankalicious elements. Things like the whole Billy Bob debacle, vials of blood, self mutilation.

And then there's the whole Hollywood Mom thing. That's the one where various celebs of the female variety can’t be bothered to actually go through “little people” stuff, such as nine month’s of pregnancy, giving birth, breast feeding.

Instead... “concerned” Jolie shops at “New Borns R Us” – or at least her personal shopper probably does on her behalf. That’s where she picked up her kid Maddox. (Boy is he in for years of therapy.)

So far, so what, who cares? Well, La Jolie’s suddenly a UN Goodwill Ambassador. No doubt some flack at her PR firm decided to get an Audrey Hepburn thing going here. So she's now in our face lecturing the "little people" (you and me) about world events. Fortunately Debbie has the goods on Saint Angelina's real deal...

Meet the new, re-packaged Angelina Jolie, Goodwill Ambassador for the U.N. High Commissioner on Refugees (UNHCR). In cover stories in July's Marie Claire and yesterday's USA Today, she's hailed for pretending to care about the world's poor, helpless, impoverished children. But, when she's not making out with Jordan's Queen Noor at anti-Semitic, anti-American hate-fests, Jolie is cheering on Palestinian terrorists in development (who aren't covered by UNHCR, anyway - a topic of an upcoming column). Jolie is enthralled by Palestinian children's desire to terrorize Jews and Israelis.

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